We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
