How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
