I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
