I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize