Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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