She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
