You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
