Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
