Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
