Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
