I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
