I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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