he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
