So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
