FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize