If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize