he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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