real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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