i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
