The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
