I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
