i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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