if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
