I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
