it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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