i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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