AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
