If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
