69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
