Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize