Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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