I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
