So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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