Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
