The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
