She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
