He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize