After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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