We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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