I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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