Pants 0. Shit 1.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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