So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
