At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am one with the molecules
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
