How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
