i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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