Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
50% drunk capacity currently
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
