I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
