omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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