i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
