I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Welp...herpes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize