I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
