wakey wakey hands off snakey
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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