Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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