I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
