who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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