Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
