Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize