I accidentally burped into my bong.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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