am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
