The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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