oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
