I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
