Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
