Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
