dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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