new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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