every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
