what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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