Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
