God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize