i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
