it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
